Best Cell Phones

You miss 100 percent of the shots you never take.
Author: Wayne Gretzky

You must have a room, or a certain hour or so a day, where you don't know what was in the newspapers that morning... a place where you can simply experience and bring forth what you are and what you might be.
Author: Joseph Campbell

You must lose a fly to catch a trout.
Author: George Herbert

If we attend continually and promptly to the little that we can do, we shall ere long be surprised to find how little remains that we cannot do.
Author: Samuel Butler

You never find yourself until you face the truth.
Author: Pearl Bailey

A fellow decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at three in the morning, at which time he is extremely drunk. After leaving the bar, he returns home on foot. When he enters his house, he doesn't want to wake anyone, so he takes off his shoes and starts tip-toeing up the stairs. Half-way up the stairs though, he falls over backwards and lands flat on his back. That wouldn't have been so bad, except that he had couple of empty pint bottles in his back pockets, and they broke; the broken glass carved up his back terribly. Yet, he was so drunk that he didn't know he was hurt. A few minutes later, as he was undressing, he noticed blood, so he checked himself out in the mirror, and, sure enough, his behind was cut up terribly. He then repaired the damage as best he could under the circumstances, and he went to bed. The next morn ing, his head was hurting, his back was hurting, and he was hunkering under the covers trying to think up some good story, when his wife came into the bedroom. "Well, you really tied one on last night," she said. "Where'd you go?" "I worked late," he said, "and I stopped off for a couple of beers." "A couple of beers? That's a laugh," she replied. "You got plastered last night. Where did you go?" "What makes you so sure I got drunk last night, anyway?" "Well," she replied, "my first big clue was when I got up this morning and found a bunch of band-aids stuck to the mirror."
This is the joke from a category: Bar jokes, beer, booze and fun!

A drunken man was wondering around the parking lot of a bar, bumping into every car and then rubbing the roofs of the cars. The manager comes out of the bar and stops the guy. "What the heck are you doing?" he asks the drunk. "I'm looking for my car, and I can't find it." "So how does feeling the roof help you?" He asked the drunk. "Well," the drunk replied. "MY car has two blue lights and a siren on the roof!!"
This is the joke from a category: Bar jokes, beer, booze and fun!

The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a bar one day and sat down to drink a beer. After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said, "Who owns the big white horse outside?" The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched his gunbelt, and said, "I do. Why?" The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said, "I just thought you would like to know that your horse is just about dead outside!!" The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside and, sure enough, Silver was about dead from heat exhaustion. The Lone Ranger got him some water and made him drink it, and soon Silver was starting to feel a little better. The Lone Ranger turned to Tonto and said, "Tonto, I want you to run around Silver and see if you can create enough of a breeze to make him start to feel better." Tonto said, "Sure Kemosabe", and took off running circles around Silver. Not able to do anything else but wait, the Lon e Ranger returned to the bar to finish his drink. A few minutes later, another cowboy struts into the bar and announces, "Who owns that big white horse outside?" The Lone Ranger stands again and claims, "I do. What is wrong with him this time?" The cowboy says to him, "Nothing much, I just wanted you to know............ you left your Injun running!!!"
This is the joke from a category: Bar jokes, beer, booze and fun!

Twenty-four hours in a day... twenty-four beers in a case... coincidence?
This is the joke from a category: Bar jokes, beer, booze and fun!

A man walks into a bar and asks for six shots of vodka. The bartender says, "Six shots? What's wrong?" "I found out my older brother is gay," replied the man. The next night, he walked into the bar again and asked for six shots of vodka. "What now?" asked the bartender. "I found out my younger brother is gay," replied the man. The night after that, the man walked into the bar again and asked for six shots of vodka. "Geez, does ANYBODY in your family like women?" asked the bartender. The man replied, "Yeah, my wife does."
This is the joke from a category: Bar jokes, beer, booze and fun!