Best Cell Phones

I celebrate myself, and sing myself.
Author: Walt Whitman

I consider it useless and tedious to represent what exists, because nothing that exists satisfies me. Nature is ugly, and I prefer the monsters of my fancy to what is positively trivial.
Author: Charles Baudelaire

I could prove God statistically.
Author: George Gallup

I do not know what I may appear to the world; but to myself I seem to have been only like a boy playing on the seashore, and diverting myself in now and then finding a smoother pebble or a prettier shell than ordinary, whilst the great ocean of truth lay
Author: Isaac Newton

I am a Bear of Very Little Brain, and long words bother me.
Author: A. A. Milne

But let's get real here guys, I mean who exactly are we kidding ? A husband controls his wife in much the same manner as a barometer controls the weather.
This is the joke from a category: Marriage jokes

Not that my wife's the jealous type or anything, but one day at work, I had taken this temp who was filling in for my secretary to lunch in gratitude for an outstanding job on a very difficult project. As luck would have it, there was my wife waiting in the office for my return. The temp, who was truly a ravishing beauty said, "Oh, Mrs. Moore, I'm so happy to meet you. I'm your husband's new secretary." Within a single heart beat my wife quietly intoned, "OH ? Really ? Were you ???"
This is the joke from a category: Marriage jokes

A wife was berating her husband. He motioned for her to quiet down saying, "Don't unleash the beast in me." The wife snickered and replied, "Unlike a lot of women, 'dear', I'm not the least bit afraid of a mouse."
This is the joke from a category: Marriage jokes

A man calls his family doctor: man: Doctor, for the last week my wife has thought that she was a rabbit. doctor: Ok, bring her in and I'll try to help. man: Fine, but whatever you do, don't cure her.
This is the joke from a category: Marriage jokes

An Illinois man who left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail. Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory. Unfortunately, he missed one letter and his note was directed instead to an elderly woman whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint. At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen: DEAREST WIFE: JUST GOT CHECKED IN. EVERYTHING PREPARED FOR YOUR ARRIVAL TOMORROW. YOUR LOVING HUSBAND P.S. SURE IS HOT DOWN HERE
This is the joke from a category: Marriage jokes