The town where I grew up has a zip code of E-I-E-I-O.
Author: Martin Mull

The trick is to make sure you don't die waiting for prosperity to come.
Author: Lee Iacocca

The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it.
Author: Franklin P. Jones

Man is free in his imagination, but bound by his reason.
Author: Israel Lipkin

The true traveler is he who goes on foot, and even then, he sits down a lot of the time.
Author: Colette

There was this little kid who had a bad habit of sucking his thumb. His mother finally told him that if he didn't stop sucking his thumb, he'd get fat. Two weeks later, his mother had her friends over for a game of bridge. The boy points to an obviously pregnant woman and says, "Ah, ha! I know what you've been doing!"
This is the joke from a category: Parent jokes

A very successful businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law. "I love my daughter, and now I welcome you into the family," said the man. "To show you how much we care for you, I'm making you a 50-50 partner in my business. All you have to do is go to the factory every day and learn the operations." The son-in-law interrupted, "I hate factories. I can't stand the noise." "I see," replied the father-in-law. "Well, then you'll work in the office and take charge of some of the operations." "I hate office work," said the son-on-law. "I can't stand being stuck behind a desk all day." "Wait a minute," said the father-in-law. "I just make you half-owner of a moneymaking organization, but you don't like factories and won't work in a office. What am I going to do with you?" "Easy," said the young man. "Buy me out."
This is the joke from a category: Parent jokes

What's another name for an parent? Someone who's stopped growing except around the waist.
This is the joke from a category: Parent jokes

NEWS ITEM. Kidnappers grabbed a little boy and two days later sent him home with a ransom note. His parents immediately sent the kid back with the money.
This is the joke from a category: Parent jokes

Young Bobby was being fitted for glasses, and his father, standing beside him, said, "Now, remember, son. Don't wear them when you're not looking at anything."
This is the joke from a category: Parent jokes