The thing is true, according to the law of the Medes and Persians, which altereth not.
Author: Bible

The thing women have got to learn is that nobody gives you power. You just take it.
Author: Roseanne Barr

The time is now, the place is here. Stay in the present. You can do nothing to change the past, and the future will never come exactly as you plan or hope for.
Author: Dan Millman

The time to stop talking is when the other person nods his head affirmatively but says nothing.
Author: Henry S. Haskins

The town where I grew up has a zip code of E-I-E-I-O.
Author: Martin Mull

One day a lady was driving on the Highway. She frequently checked her speed gauge to make sure she stayed within the speed limit. However, when she looked into her rear mirror, much to her dismay, she saw a police car not far behind! And, to make matters worse, the police car turned on his flashing lights. She thought to herself, "Uh-oh, what have I done now? I'm not speeding. I'm not drinking. I have my seat belt on! I have kept up my license dues and everything!" So, she pulled over and the police car pulled over to the side right behind her car. She drove her car slowly to a stop, slowly rolled down the window, and prepared for a ticket when she knew she didn't deserve it. A policeman walked up to her window, and spoke to her. The lady pointed to her ear and shook her head, meaning she was deaf. The policeman smiled slightly, and knowing sign language, signed back, "I know. I'm here to tell you that your horn is stuck."
This is the joke from a category: Old age jokes

A group of senior citizens were exchanging notes about their ailments. "My arm is so weak I can hardly hold this coffee cup." "Yes, I know. My cataracts are so bad I can't see to pour the coffee." "I can't turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck." "My blood pressure pills make my dizzy." "I guess that's the price we pay for getting old." "Well, it's not all bad. We should be thankful that we can still drive."
This is the joke from a category: Old age jokes

A little Italian grandfather comes up to Customs. The Customs official says, "Have you got anything to declare?" He thinks a second and he says, "It's a nice-a day!"
This is the joke from a category: Old age jokes

Two really old guys decided they would go out and try to play a round of golf together. They get on the first tee and the first old guy says to the second, "My eyesight isn't what it used to be. Can you watch my ball for me?". The second guy says, "Sure! I see fine. Go ahead and hit." So the first old man steps up to the tee and really hits it. He turns to his buddy and says, "Did you see it?". "Sure!", says his buddy. "Where did it go?", the first guy asks. The second old man thinks for a minute and says, "I can't remember."
This is the joke from a category: Old age jokes

Perhaps you know why women over fifty don't have babies. They would put them down somewhere and forget where they left them.
This is the joke from a category: Old age jokes