The thing that impresses me the most about America is the way parents obey their children.
Author: King Edward VIII

The things that one most wants to do are the things that are probably most worth doing.
Author: Winifred Holtby

The time to pray is not when we are in a tight spot but just as soon as we get out of it.
Author: Josh Billings

The life of man is the true romance, which when it is valiantly conduced, will yield the imagination a higher joy than any fiction.
Author: Ralph Waldo Emerson

The tree is known by his fruit.
Author: Bible

An elderly lady was well-known for her faith and for her boldness in talking about it. She would stand on her front porch and shout "PRAISE THE LORD!" Next door to her lived an atheist who would get so angry at her proclamations he would shout, "There ain't no Lord!!" Hard times set in on the elderly lady, and she prayed for GOD to send her some assistance. She stood on her porch and shouted "PRAISE THE LORD. GOD I NEED FOOD!! I AM HAVING A HARD TIME. PLEASE LORD, SEND ME SOME GROCERIES!!" The next morning the lady went out on her porch and noted a large bag of groceries and shouted, "PRAISE THE LORD." The neighbor jumped from behind a bush and said, "Aha! I told you there was no Lord. I bought those groceries, God didn't." The lady started jumping up and down and clapping her hands and said, "PRAISE THE LORD. He not only sent me groceries, but He made the devil pay for them. Praise the Lord!"
This is the joke from a category: Old age jokes

One day, an out-of-work man knocks on the door of a home in an upper-class neighborhood. The lady of the house answers. "Pardon me Mam, Im out of work and looking for any odd jobs that people need done. I'm very handy with everything from repairs to yard work, to painting..." "Painting?" the woman jumped in. "Oh, yes, Ma'am! Im a very careful painter," the man replied, his face brightening at the realization she could provide him some work. "I'll tell you what. My husband just bought some green paint last week to paint the porch out back with, but we haven't had any time. If you can do a good job, then you can paint it before he gets home and surprise him. "Now, do a particularly good job and paint the trimmings white also, and I'll pay you an extra bonus." "Oh yes, Ma'am, I'll do an excellent job!" He was told the paints were also around back in the garage. nA few hours later, the man returns to the door. "That was quick, did you do a good job?" the woman inquires. "Oh yes Ma'am, two coats! But there's something you should know," the man says. "That's not a Porsche, thats a Mercedes!"
This is the joke from a category: Old age jokes

A strained voice called out through the darkened theater, "Please, is there a doctor in the house?!" Several men stood up as the lights came on. An older lady pulled her daughter to stand next to her, "Good, are any of you doctors single and interested in a date with a good, Jewish girl?"
This is the joke from a category: Old age jokes

What's the worst thing about having to kiss Grandma? When the damn coffin lid falls and hits you in the head.
This is the joke from a category: Old age jokes

A little old lady walked into the bank, cashed a small check, and started out. Passing the armed guard, she smiled and said, "You can go home now."
This is the joke from a category: Old age jokes