The time to relax is -- when you don't have time for it.
Author: Sidney J. Harris

The toughest question has always been, "How do you get your ideas?" How do you answer that? It's like asking runners how they run, or singers how they sing. They just do it!
Author: Lynn Johnston

The trees that are slow to grow bear the best fruit.
Author: Moliere

The trouble with America is that there are far too many wide-open spaces surrounded by teeth.
Author: Charles Luckman

The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppressive laws are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all.
Author: H. L. Mencken

Two 80 year old men are driving down the road when they hear the Ex-Lax commercial end with the statement: "It makes you feel young again." John looks at Sylvester and says, "We need to pull over and get a bottle of that stuff!" Sylvester agrees and the two old men pull over and get a bottle of Ex-Lax. They both take two tablespoons each and continue to drive. About one mile later Sylvester asks, "Well John, do you feel young yet?" "No," replies John. So they pull over and take four more tablespoons a piece and continue to drive down the road. A couple of miles later, Sylvester asks, "John, do you feel younger?" "No," replies John, "but I sure did a childish thing!"
This is the joke from a category: Old age jokes

Fred: I haven't slept a wink for the past two nights. Harry: Why's that? Fred: Granny broke her leg. The doctor put it in plaster and told her she shouldn't walk upstairs. You should hear the row when she climbs up the drainpipe.
This is the joke from a category: Old age jokes

"Grandma, why don't you drink tea anymore?" "I don't like it ever since that tea bag got stuck in my throat."
This is the joke from a category: Old age jokes

How can you tell that you're getting old? You go to an antique auction and three people bid on you!
This is the joke from a category: Old age jokes

When our second child was on the way, my wife and I attended a pre-birth class aimed at couples who had already had at least one child. The instructor raised the issue of breaking the news to the older child. It went like this: "Some parents," she said, "tell the older child, 'We love you so much we decided to bring another child into this family.' But think about that. Ladies, what if your husband came home one day and said, 'Honey, I love you so much I decided to bring home another wife.'" One of the women spoke up immediately. "Does she cook???"
This is the joke from a category: Parent jokes