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I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him.
Author: Mark Twain

I say that a man must be certain of his morality for the simple reason that he has to suffer for it.
Author: G. K. Chesterton

I understand a fury in your words, But not the words.
Author: William Shakespeare

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.
Author: Steven Wright

I was gratified to be able to answer promptly. I said I don't know.
Author: Mark Twain

Teacher: What came after the stone age and the bronze age? Pupil: The sausage!
This is the joke from a category: School jokes

Father: What did the teacher think of your idea? Son: She took it like a lamb Teacher: Really?, what did she say? Son: Baa!
This is the joke from a category: School jokes

What did you learn in school today? Not enough, I have to go back tomorrow!
This is the joke from a category: School jokes

Pupil: I don't think I deserved zero on this test! Teacher: I agree, but that's the lowest mark I could give you!
This is the joke from a category: School jokes

Sandy began a job as an elementary school counselor and she was eager to help. One day during recess she noticed a girl standing by herself on one side of a playing field while the rest of the kids enjoyed a game of soccer at the other. Sandy approached and asked if she was all right. The girl said she was. A little while later, however, Sandy noticed the girl was in the same spot, still by herself. Approaching again, Sandy offered, "Would you like me to be your friend?" The girl hesitated, then said, "Okay," looking at the woman suspiciously. Feeling she was making progress, Sandy then asked, "Why are you standing here all alone?" "Because," the little girl said with great exasperation, "I'm the goalie!"
This is the joke from a category: School jokes