Best Cell Phones

I believe that every human has a finite number of heart-beats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.
Author: Buzz Aldrin

I believe that people would be alive today if there were a death penalty.
Author: Nancy Reagan

I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.
Author: Demetri Martin

I came to the realization that there were certain public issues that were most usefully dealt with within some sort of framework of at least my private beliefs, if not my private life.
Author: Anna Quindlen

I can forgive Alfred Nobel for having invented dynamite, but only a fiend in human form could have invented the Nobel Prize.
Author: George Bernard Shaw

If storks bring human babies, what bring monster babies? Cranes.
This is the joke from a category: Monster jokes

How can you tell if a monster has a glass eye? When it comes out in conversation.
This is the joke from a category: Monster jokes

Why is the monsters' football pitch wet? Because the players keep dribbling on it.
This is the joke from a category: Monster jokes

Why did the monster go into hospital? To have his ghoul-stones removed.
This is the joke from a category: Monster jokes

FIRST MONSTER: Am I late for dinner? SECOND MONSTER: Yes, everyone's been eaten.
This is the joke from a category: Monster jokes