Purchase not friends by gifts; when thou ceasest to give, such will cease to love.
Author: Thomas Fuller

One of the greatest victories you can gain over someone is to beat him at politeness.
Author: Josh Billings

The secret of a good memory is attention, and attention to a subject depends upon our interest in it. We rarely forget that which has made a deep impression on our minds.
Author: Tryon Edwards

The secret of happiness in not in what one likes to do, but in what one has to do.
Author: James M. Barrie

I hate ingratitude more in a man than lying, vainness, babbling, drunkenness, or any taint of vice whose strong corruption inhabits our frail blood.
Author: William Shakespeare

Q: How many absurdist/surrealist comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: November.
This is the joke from a category: Movie and TV jokes

After a difficult day a struggling actor returns to his neighborhood and is shocked to find a cadre of police and fire trucks surrounding the smoldering remains of his house. Explaining who he was he asks "What happened?" "Well," one of the officer's says, "It seems that your agent came by your house earlier today and while he was here he attacked your wife, assaulted your children, beat your dog and burned your house to the ground." The actor is struck speechless, his jaw hanging open in disbelief... "My agent came to my house?"
This is the joke from a category: Movie and TV jokes

Why was the actor pleased to be on the gallows? Because at last he was in the noose.
This is the joke from a category: Movie and TV jokes

A bit-part actor finally got his first leading role in a major film. In one scene the actor had to jump off a high diving board in to a swimming pool. He climed to the top of the board, looked down and promptly climbed down again. `What's the matter?' asked the director. `I can't jump from that board!' said the actor. `Do you know there's only one foot of water in that pool?' 'Yes,' said the director. `We don't want you to drown, you know.'
This is the joke from a category: Movie and TV jokes

Q: How many movie directors does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Just one, but he wants to do it thirty-two times and when he's done everyone thinks that his last lightbulb was much better.
This is the joke from a category: Movie and TV jokes