The only true happiness comes from squandering ourselves for a purpose.
Author: William Cowper

The reason there are so few female politicians is that it is too much trouble to put makeup on two faces.
Author: Maureen Murphy

The reason why so few good books are written is that so few people who can write know anything.
Author: Walter Bagehot

I have been through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.
Author: Mark Twain

The rest is silence.
Author: William Shakespeare

MONSTER MOTHER: How many times have I told you not to eat with your fingers? Use the spade like everyone else.
This is the joke from a category: Monster jokes

What happened to Ray when he met the man-eating monster? He became an ex-Ray.
This is the joke from a category: Monster jokes

What aftershave do monsters wear? Brute.
This is the joke from a category: Monster jokes

A monster walked into the council rent office with a $5 note stuck in one ear and a $10 note in the other. You see, he was $15 in arrears.
This is the joke from a category: Monster jokes

Why did Frankenstein's monster give up boxing? Because he didn't want to spoil his looks.
This is the joke from a category: Monster jokes