The Puritans gave thanks for being preserved from the Indians, and we give thanks for being preserved from the Puritans.
Author: Finley Peter Dunne

The quickest way to a man's heart really is through his stomach, because then you don't have to chop through that pesky rib cage.
Author: J. Jacques

The reading of all good books is indeed like a conversation with the noblest men of past centuries who were the authors of them, nay a carefully studied conversation, in which they reveal to us none but the best of their thoughts.
Author: Rene Descartes

People vote their resentment, not their appreciation. The average man does not vote for anything, but against something.
Author: William Bennet Munro

The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver.
Author: Jay Leno

What did the monster say to the Thanksgiving turkey? "Pleased to eat you!"
This is the joke from a category: Monster jokes

What's the difference between a monster and a mouse? A monster makes bigger holes in the skirting board.
This is the joke from a category: Monster jokes

A very tall monster with several arms and legs, all of different lengths, went into a tailor's shop. 'I'd like to see a suit that will fit me,' he told the tailor. 'So would I, sir,' said the tailor. 'So would I.'
This is the joke from a category: Monster jokes

What is a monster's favourite society? The Consumers' Association.
This is the joke from a category: Monster jokes

FRED: Your monster was making a terrible noise last night. BERT: Yes - ever since he ate Madonna, he thinks he can sing.
This is the joke from a category: Monster jokes