Never has a man who has bent himself been able to make others straight.
Author: Mencius

It's amazing how pervasive food is. Every second commercial is for food. Every second TV episode takes place around a meal. In the city, you can't go ten feet without seeing or smelling a restaurant. There are 20 foot high hamburgers up on billboards. I a
Author: Adam Scott

The purpose of a funeral service is to comfort the living. It is important at a funeral to display excessive grief. This will show others how kind-hearted and loving you are and their improved opinion of you will be very comforting.
Author: P. J. O Rourke

The quality of mercy is not strain'd, It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven Upon the place beneath. It is twice blest: It blesseth him that gives and him that takes. 'T is mightiest in the mightiest: it becomes The throned monarch better th
Author: William Shakespeare

The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right place but to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
Author: Dorothy Nevill

What should you do if a monster runs through your front door? Run through the back door.
This is the joke from a category: Monster jokes

What happens if a big hairy monster sits in front of you at the movie theater? You miss most of the film.
This is the joke from a category: Monster jokes

Could you kill a monster just by throwing eggs at him? Of course - he'd be eggs-terminated.
This is the joke from a category: Monster jokes

First monster: That pretty girl over there just rolled her eyes at me. Second monster: Well you'd better roll them back to her, she might need them.
This is the joke from a category: Monster jokes

What monster plays the most April Fool's jokes? Prankenstein!
This is the joke from a category: Monster jokes