The sands are number'd that make up my life.
Author: William Shakespeare

The scientific name for an animal that doesn't either run from or fight its enemies is lunch.
Author: Michael Friedman

The secret of all success is to know how to deny yourself. Prove that you can control yourself, and you are an educated man; and without this all other education is good for nothing.
Author: R. D. Hitchcock

The secret of eternal youth is arrested development.
Author: Alice Roosevelt Longworth

The secret of life is to appreciate the pleasure of being terribly, terribly deceived.
Author: Oscar Wilde

Q: What did the Production Manager give his kids for Christmas? A: Nothing. But he promised he'd make it up to them on the next one.
This is the joke from a category: Movie and TV jokes

After a venerable career of endless, stellar successes the greatest director who ever lived is in his prime and preparing for his most ambitious project ever when he unexpectedly dies and is called home to heaven. St. Peter meets him at the gate. "So sorry about your untimely death," he tells the director. "But God himself has called you home. You see, God wants you to direct a movie for Him." The great man is humbled, "God wants ME to direct a film?" "Yes," St. Peter tells him. "And we've arranged to have the best of everything made available to you. For example, the script is by William Shakespeare." The director is stunned, "An original screenplay by William Shakespeare?" "Yes," St. Peter assures him, "And it's his greatest work ever." "Wow!" says the Director, awe struck. "Your Production Designer will be Michaelangelo. We've got Leonardo Da Vinci d oing the sets, your musical score will be an original work by Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart and your cast includes a young Laurence Olivier and the greatest actors of all time in supporting roles." The Director can't believe it. "This is incredible," he says. "This will be the greatest movie ever?" St. Peter kind of shuffles his feet. "Well," he says, "we do have one tiny little problem." "Problem?" says the director. "What kind of a problem?" St. Peter puts his arm around the director's shoulder, "Ya see," he whispers, "God's got this girlfriend..."
This is the joke from a category: Movie and TV jokes

Fred: I'd love to be an actress. Harry: Break a leg then! Amy: Whatever for? Fred: Then you'd be in a cast for weeks.
This is the joke from a category: Movie and TV jokes

Why does an actor enjoy his work so much? Because it's all play.
This is the joke from a category: Movie and TV jokes

Why can't anyone stay angry long with an actress? Because she always makes up.
This is the joke from a category: Movie and TV jokes