The essence of all jokes, of all comedy, seems to be an honest or well intended halfness; a non performance of that which is pretended to be performed, at the same time that one is giving loud pledges of performance. The balking of the intellect, is comed
Author: Ralph Waldo Emerson

The evil that we know is best.
Author: Titus Maccius Plautus

Publishers are just middlemen. That's all. If artists could remember that more often, they'd save themselves a lot of aggrevation.
Author: Hugh Macleod

The first condition of immortality is death.
Author: Stanislaw J. Lec

The first duty to children is to make them happy, If you have not made them so, you have wronged them, No other good they may get can make up for that.
Author: Charles Buxton

Judge: "Is it true that you owe your neighbor a thousand dollars?" Defendant: "Yes, it's true." Judge: "Then, why don't you just pay him back?" Defendant: "Because it wouldn't be true anymore."
This is the joke from a category: Judge jokes

Judge: All your responses to the questions must be oral. Do you understand? A: Yes Judge: What school did you attend in the fall of 1995? A: Oral.
This is the joke from a category: Judge jokes

Judge: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people? A: All my autopsies are on dead people.
This is the joke from a category: Judge jokes

Judge to witness: "And where was the location of the accident?" Witness: "Approximately milepost 499." Judge:: "And where is milepost 499?" Witness: "About halfway between milepost 498 and milepost 500."
This is the joke from a category: Judge jokes

When is an English teacher like a judge? When she hands out long sentences.
This is the joke from a category: Judge jokes