May no portent of evil be attached to the words I say.
Author: Anonymous

Sometimes when I am driving I get so angry at inconsiderate drivers that I want to scream at them. But then I remember how insignificant that is, and I thank God that I have a car and my health and gas. That was phrased wrong - normally you wouldn't say,
Author: Ellen DeGeneres

Joy is not in things; it is in us.
Author: Richard Wagner

Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped.
Author: Sam Levenson

Speak no evil of an absent friend. (Non male loquare absenti amico)
Author: Titus Maccius Plautus

A woman was cutting her husband's thinning hair, when their teenage son arrived home looking for a snack. She ofered a kiwifruit and tried to tempt him with its nutritious qualities. "It has more vitamin C than an orange," she remarked. "And more hair than Dad," added their son.
This is the joke from a category: Hair and bald jokes

Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons ? He wanted Mark Antony !
This is the joke from a category: History jokes

When did Caesar reign ? I didn't know he reigned. Of course he did, didn't they hail him ?
This is the joke from a category: History jokes

Who invented King Arthur's round table ? Sir Circumference !
This is the joke from a category: History jokes

What English King invented the fireplace ? Alfred the grate !
This is the joke from a category: History jokes