Best Cell Phones

It's always helpful to learn from your mistakes because then your mistakes seem worthwhile.
Author: Garry Marshall

The finest qualities of our nature, like the bloom on fruits, can be preserved only by the most delicate handling. Yet we do not treat ourselves nor one another thus tenderly.
Author: Henry David Thoreau

The first duty of a leader is to make himself be loved without courting love. To be loved without 'playing up' to anyone - even to himself.
Author: Andre Malraux

The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents, and the second half by our children.
Author: Clarence Darrow

The first question I ask myself when something doesn't seem to be beautiful is why do I think it's not beautiful. And very shortly you discover that there is no reason.
Author: John Cage

How many tax advisors does it take to change a light bulb? "In the summer there is a tax deductible convention in Hawaii, dealing exactly with this issue."
This is the joke from a category: Humor jokes

Once there was a millionaire who had a collection of live alligators. He kept them in a pool at the back of his mansion. The millionaire also had a beautiful daughter who was single. One day, he decides to throw a huge party. During the party he announces, "My dear guests, I have a proposition to every man here. I will give one million dollars or my daughter to the man who can swim across this pool full of alligators and emerge unharmed!" As soon as he finishes his last word, there is the sound of a large splash. The guests all turn to see a man in the pool swimming as fast as he can. They cheer him on as he keeps stroking. Finally, the swimming man makes it to the other side unharmed. The millionaire is so impressed, e says, "My boy, that was incredible! Fantastic! I didn't think it could be done! Well, I must keep my end of the bargain. Which do you want, my daughter or the one million dollars?" The man says, "Listen, I don't want your money. I don't want your daughter, either. I want the person who pushed me in that water!"
This is the joke from a category: Humor jokes

My mother-in-law is like a fine French Impressionist painting. She's very lovely, but is best appreciated at a distance.
This is the joke from a category: Humor jokes

Mother-in-law: I baked two kinds of cookies today. Would you like to take your pick? Son-in-law: No thanks. I'll just use the hammer.
This is the joke from a category: Humor jokes

Did you hear about the fire in the rednecks library? Both the books got burned, and one hadn't even been coloured in yet.
This is the joke from a category: Humor jokes