'Taint't worthwhile to wear a day all out before it comes.
Author: Sarah Orne Jewett

It's being here now that's important. There's no past and there's no future. Time is a very misleading thing. All there is ever, is the now. We can gain experience from the past, but we can't relive it; and we can hope for the future, but we don't know if
Author: George Harrison

There is much pleasure to be gained from useless knowledge.
Author: Bertrand Russell

There is no credulity so eager and blind as the credulity of covetness, which, in its universal extent, measures the moral misery and the intellectual destitution of mankind.
Author: Joseph Conrad

There is no doubt that the first requirement for a composer is to be dead.
Author: Arthur Honegger

Q: What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus? A: It only takes one nail to hang the picture.
This is the joke from a category: Religious jokes

Three Pastors from the south were having lunch in a diner. One said, "Ya know, since summer started I've been having trouble with bats in my loft and attic at church. I've tried everything-noise, spray, cats-nothing seems to scare them away. Another said, "Yea, me too. I've got hundreds living in my belfry and in the attic. I've even had the place fumigated, and they won't go away." The third said, "I baptized all mine, and made them members of the church... Haven't seen one back since!"
This is the joke from a category: Religious jokes

Two nuns were driving alone out in the boonies. They ran out of gas. Fortunately they could walk to a gas station not far away, where they asked to purchase a can of gasoline. "I'm sorry, sister," said the attendant, "but all I have for you to carry it in is an old chamber pot. The nuns agreed that this would be fine. They returned to the car. As they were pouring the gasoline into the tank, a man drove by, stopped his car, and said, "Oh sister, if only I had your faith."
This is the joke from a category: Religious jokes

A priest was vested in his surplus and cassock ready to process at the beginning of the service. His surplus was very ornate and he was swinging the incense pot which had smoke coming from it. A lady touched him on the shoulder and said, "Darling, I love your dress; but your purse is on fire!"
This is the joke from a category: Religious jokes

Johnny is walking along and a priest is coming the other way. Johnny says, "Hey, mister, why are you wearing your collar backwards?" The priest says, "Because I'm a father." Johnny says, "Yeah? Well, my old man's got three kids and he don't wear his collar backwards." The priest says "You don't understand, son. I have thousands of children." Johnny says, "You should wear your trousers backwards."
This is the joke from a category: Religious jokes