There is no credulity so eager and blind as the credulity of covetness, which, in its universal extent, measures the moral misery and the intellectual destitution of mankind.
Author: Joseph Conrad

There is no doubt that the first requirement for a composer is to be dead.
Author: Arthur Honegger

There is no expedient to which a man will not go to avoid the labor of thinking.
Author: Thomas A. Edison

In attempts to improve your character, know what is in your power and what is beyond it.
Author: Francis Thompson

It is a good rule in life never to apologize. The right sort of people do not want apologies, and the wrong sort take a mean advantage of them.
Author: P. G. Wodehouse

The congregation was sitting and waiting for the preacher to began his sermon when two masked men burst into the church and said "Whoever is not willing to take a bullet for Jesus better leave now." More than half of the congregation jumped up and ran out the door. The two men took off their masks, sat in the front row and said, "Okay, Reverend, you can preach now. All the hyprocrites are gone."
This is the joke from a category: Religious jokes

Jill: Have you read the Bible? Jack: No, I'm waiting for the film to come round.
This is the joke from a category: Religious jokes

Three Pastors from the south were having lunch in a diner. One said, "Ya know, since summer started I've been having trouble with bats in my loft and attic at church. I've tried everything-noise, spray, cats-nothing seems to scare them away. Another said, "Yea, me too. I've got hundreds living in my belfry and in the attic. I've even had the place fumigated, and they won't go away." The third said, "I baptized all mine, and made them members of the church... Haven't seen one back since!"
This is the joke from a category: Religious jokes

Q. How do you make holy water? A. Boil the hell out of it.
This is the joke from a category: Religious jokes

Why was the restaurant called "Out of this World"? Because it was full of Unidentified Frying Objects.
This is the joke from a category: Restaurant jokes