Pride grows in the human heart like lard on a pig.
Author: Alexander Solzhenitsyn

Progress might have been all right once, but it has gone on too long.
Author: Ogden Nash

Proof is the idol before whom the pure mathematician tortures himself.
Author: Sir Arthur Eddington

Prosperity is only an instrument to be used, not a deity to be worshipped.
Author: Calvin Coolidge

Put even the plainest woman into a beautiful dress and unconsciously she will try to live up to it.
Author: Lady Duff-Gordon

Two Newfies landed themselves a job at a saw mill. Just before morning the one yelled, "Mick! I lost me finger!" "Have you now?" says Mick. "And how did you do it?" "I just touched this big spinning thing here... No! There goes another one!"
This is the joke from a category: Ethnic jokes

An Irishman, a black guy, and a white guy were driving through the desert when they suddenly ran out of gas. They all decided to start walking to the nearest town (which they had passed 50 miles back) to get some help. A rancher was sitting on his front porch that evening when he saw the white guy top the horizon and walk toward him. The rancher noticed that the white guy was carrying a glass of water, so when he was within hearing distance, the rancher said, "Hi there...what are you doing carring a glass of water through the desert?" The white guy explained his predicament and explained that since he had a long way to go, he might get thirsty, so that's why he was carrying the water. A little while later the rancher noticed the black guy walking toward him with a loaf of bread in his hand. "What are you doing?" asked the rancher again. As before, the black guy explained the s ituation and said that since he had a long way to go, he might get hungry and that's why he had the bread. Finally the Irishman appeared, dragging a car door through the sand. More curious than ever, the rancher asked, "Hey, why are you dragging that car door?" "Well," he said, "I have a long way to go, so if it gets too hot, I'll roll down the window."
This is the joke from a category: Ethnic jokes

Q: What are the best ten years of an Irishman's life? A: Third grade.
This is the joke from a category: Ethnic jokes

Scorcher Murphy was selling his house, and put the matter in an agent's hands. The agent wrote up a sales blurb for the house that made wonderful reading. After Murphy read it, he turned to the agent and asked, "Have I got all ye say there?" The agent said, "Certainly ye have...Why d'ye ask?" Replied Murphy, "Cancel the sale...'tis too good to part with."
This is the joke from a category: Ethnic jokes

Two Scots, father and son, go to America. - Daddy, when we'll arrive? - Shut up and swim.
This is the joke from a category: Ethnic jokes