I was always taught to respect my elders and I've now reached the age when I don't have anybody to respect.
Author: George Burns

Prefer loss to the wealth of dishonest gain; the former vexes you for a time; the latter will bring you lasting remorse.
Author: Chilo

Pride grows in the human heart like lard on a pig.
Author: Alexander Solzhenitsyn

Progress might have been all right once, but it has gone on too long.
Author: Ogden Nash

Proof is the idol before whom the pure mathematician tortures himself.
Author: Sir Arthur Eddington

Why is your nose in the middle of your face? Because it is the scenter (centre).
This is the joke from a category: Face jokes

Q.What do me and a mirror have in common? A.When we see your face we both crack up!
This is the joke from a category: Face jokes

Boy: You've got a face like a million dollars. Girl: Have I really? Boy: Yes ? it's green and wrinkly.
This is the joke from a category: Face jokes

The Americans and Russians at the height of the arms race realized that if they continued in the usual manner they were going to blow up the whole world. One day they sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They'd have five years to breed the best fighting dog in the world and whichever side's dog won would be entitled to dominate the world. The losing side would have to lay down its arms. The Russians found the biggest meanest Doberman and Rottweiler dogs in the world and bred them with the biggest meanest Siberian wolves. They selected only the biggest and strongest puppy from each litter, killed his siblings, and gave him all the milk. The used steroids and trainers and after five years came up with the biggest meanest dog the world had ever seen. Its cage needed steel bars that were five inches thick and nobody could get near it. "When the day came for th e fight, the Americans showed up with a strange animal. It was a nine foot long Dachshund. Everyone felt sorry for the Americans because they knew there was no way that this dog could possibly last ten seconds with the Russian dog. "When the cages were opened up, the Dachshund came out and wrapped itself around the outside of the ring. It had the Russian dog almost completely surrounded. When the Russian dog leaned over to bite the Dachshund's neck, the Dachshund leaned up and consumed the Russian dog in one bite. There was nothing left at all of the Russian dog. The Russians came up to the Americans shaking their heads in disbelief. `We don't understand how this could have happened. We had our best people working for five years with the meanest Doberman and Rottweiler dogs in the world and the biggest meanest Siberian wolves." "That's nothing", an American replied. "We had our best plastic surgeons worki ng for five years trying to make an alligator look like a Dachshund.'"
This is the joke from a category: Ethnic jokes

Two elephants jumped off a cliff....... BOOM BOOM!
This is the joke from a category: Elephant jokes