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I believe that every human has a finite number of heart-beats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.
Author: Buzz Aldrin

I believe that people would be alive today if there were a death penalty.
Author: Nancy Reagan

I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.
Author: Demetri Martin

I came to the realization that there were certain public issues that were most usefully dealt with within some sort of framework of at least my private beliefs, if not my private life.
Author: Anna Quindlen

I can forgive Alfred Nobel for having invented dynamite, but only a fiend in human form could have invented the Nobel Prize.
Author: George Bernard Shaw

Why don't lawyers enjoy playing golf? Because it's too much like work, what with all of the lying involved.
This is the joke from a category: Lawyer jokes

A Frenchman, an Englishman, an American man, and a lawyer were sitting on a train. The Frenchman offered everyone some of his baguette, then threw it out the window, saying, "Don't worry - we have plenty of those where I come from." The Englishman offered everyone a crumpet, then threw the rest out of the window, saying, "Don't worry - we have plenty of those where I come from." Then the American threw the lawyer out the window, saying...
This is the joke from a category: Lawyer jokes

Q. Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses? A. From chasing parked ambulances.
This is the joke from a category: Lawyer jokes

What's a zombie say when he gets a letter from his girlfriend? It's a dead letter day.
This is the joke from a category: Letter jokes

How did skeletons send each other letters in the days of the Wild West? By Bony Express.
This is the joke from a category: Letter jokes