Best Cell Phones

I hate music, especially when it's played.
Author: Jimmy Durante

I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me.
Author: Hunter S. Thompson

I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.
Author: Jackie Mason

I have hardly ever known a mathematician who was capable of reasoning.
Author: Plato

I have learned over the years that when one's mind is made up, this diminishes fear; knowing what must be done does away with fear.
Author: Rosa Parks

Why did the witch go to the psychiatrist? Because she thought everybody loved her.
This is the joke from a category: Mental health jokes

Patient: Why did you charge me a group rate? Psychiatrist: You've got multiple personalities.
This is the joke from a category: Mental health jokes

Why is a psychiatrist like a squirrel? Because they are both surrounded by nuts.
This is the joke from a category: Mental health jokes

You Might be a Marine Wife if: 1. Your mail goes to four addresses in two countries before it reaches you. 2. You earned an Accounting degree by deciphering your husband's LES and running a family on what was ACTUALLY deposited. 3. "Savings" sounds like a great idea and you hope to someday have some. 4. Sex - see #3. 5. You can simultaneously be a control freak, change plans on a moment's notice, yet you are not being treated for schizophrenia. 6. You know the Tricare regulations/procedures better than their service reps. 7. You know what forms you need better than your husband's Admin clerk. 8. You are strangely attracted (or repulsed) by the color green. 9. You can calculate the cost of a 5-minute phone call from any country, any time, on up to four different calling plans. 10. At a distance, you can pick out your husband from 100 other men with identical haircuts and clo thes. 11. The face paint in your closet is NOT for your children. 12. Name tapes are not just for kids.
This is the joke from a category: Military jokes

The reason the Air Force, Army, Navy and Marines bicker amongst themselves is that they don't speak the same language. For instance, Take the simple phrase "secure the building". The Army will post guards around the place. The Navy will turn out the lights and lock the doors. The Marines will kill everybody inside and set up a headquarters. The Air Force will take out a 5 year lease with an option to buy.
This is the joke from a category: Military jokes