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By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
Author: Socrates

By faithful study of the nobler arts, our nature's softened, and more gentle grows.
Author: Ovid

By increasing the size of the keyhole, today's playwrights are in danger of doing away with the door.
Author: Peter Ustinov

By mid-November I always like to have an extra 15 pounds on me.
Author: Diane Frolov and Andrew Schneider

By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he's wrong.
Author: Charles Wadsworth

What does Santa say when he is sick? OH OH NO!
This is the joke from a category: Christmas jokes

What was so good about he neurotic doll the girl was given for Christmas? It was wound up already.
This is the joke from a category: Christmas jokes

What do you get if you deep fry Santa Claus? Crisp Cringle.
This is the joke from a category: Christmas jokes

Why does Santa Claus only have seven reindeer? Because Prancer moved in with a hairdresser in Beverly Hills.
This is the joke from a category: Christmas jokes

Q: How many Bill Clintons does it take to change a lightbulb? A: None--He'll only promise "change."
This is the joke from a category: Clinton jokes