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I believe in an open mind, but not so open that your brains fall out.
Author: Arthur Hays Sulzberger

I believe in the forgiveness of sin and the redemption of ignorance.
Author: Adlai E. Stevenson Jr.

I believe that freedom is the deepest need of every human soul.
Author: George W. Bush

I believe that professional wrestling is clean and everything else in the world is fixed.
Author: Frank Deford

I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.
Author: Steven Wright

If I had but one life to give for my country, it would be a lawyer's.
This is the joke from a category: Lawyer jokes

Why is it that if you give a child an encyclopedia, "lawyer" is always the third thing they look up? Because the first thing a child looks up is "dog." The second is "snake." And under snake, the encyclopedia says "See Lawyer."
This is the joke from a category: Lawyer jokes

Lawyer: "Let me give you my honest opinion." Client: "No, no. I'm paying for professional advice."
This is the joke from a category: Lawyer jokes

Why didn't Cupid shoot his arrow at the lawyer's heart? Because even Cupid can't hit a target that small!
This is the joke from a category: Lawyer jokes

A judge in a small city was hearing a drunk-driving case and the defendant, who had both a record and a reputation for driving under the influence, demanded a jury trial. It was nearly 4:30 p.m. and getting a jury would take time, so the judge called a recess and went out in the hall looking to impanel anyone available for jury duty. He found a dozen lawyers in the main lobby and told them that they were a jury. The lawyers thought this would be a novel experience and so followed the judge back to the courtroom. The trial was over in about 10 minutes and it was very clear that the defendant was guilty. The jury went into the jury-room, the judge started getting ready to go home, and everyone waited. After nearly three hours, the judge was totally out of patience and sent the bailiff into the jury-room to see what was holding up the verdict. When the bailiff returned, the judge said, "Well have the y got a verdict yet?" The bailiff shook his head and said, "Verdict? Hell, they're still doing nominating speeches for the foreman's position!"
This is the joke from a category: Lawyer jokes