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I care not so much what I am to others as what I am to myself.
Author: Michel de Montaigne

I conceive the essential task of religion to be "to develop the consciences, the ideals, and the aspirations of mankind".
Author: Robert Millikan

I could never think well of a man's intellectual or moral character, if he was habitually unfaithful to his appointments.
Author: Nathaniel Emmons

I do not have a psychiatrist and I do not want one, for the simple reason that if he listened to me long enough, he might become disturbed.
Author: James Thurber

I do not regret one professional enemy I have made. Any actor who doesn't dare to make an enemy should get out of the business.
Author: Bette Davis

A recent study showed that the average husband only actually speaks to his wife about thirty-seven minutes each week. Well, yeah, I can believe that, I mean just how long does it take to say "Uh-huh" or "Yes dear" or "I'm sorry" ?
This is the joke from a category: Marriage jokes

A jealous husband hires a private detective to check up on his wife. The husband tells the detective, he wants both a written account and as many videos of her in any kind of compromising situations as the man can get. Two weeks later the detective calls the man and tells him he has all the evidence he needs. They make an appointment for a meeting. The two of them are sitting there watching the videos. The man sees his wife meeting another man, then the two of them are walking in the park laughing. Another series shows her with a different man laughing and dancing. All together, he watches a dozen or so different activities, each with a different man, each time both she and the man are sharing obvious utter glee. "Amazing," said the shocked husband, "simply amazing ! I just can't believe it." "What can't you believe ?" asked the detective, "It's all right there for you to see, plus I have all the times and dates in my log." "I know, I know!" said the man, still in shock, "I just can't believe my wife could be that much fun."
This is the joke from a category: Marriage jokes

"You and your husband don't seem to have an awful lot in common," said the new tenant's neighbor. "Why on earth did you get married?" "I suppose it was the old business of 'opposites attract'," was the reply. "He wasn't pregnant and I was."
This is the joke from a category: Marriage jokes

A man comes home and hears hard breathing female noises from inside the aprtment, walks inside to find his wife on the floor of the living room naked. Wife yells, "help, help, I am having a heart attack", the husband runs in the other room to call the doctor when one of his kids run up to him and says "daddy, daddy, there is a naked man in the closet", husband opens the closet door and sees his friend Bob. He yells at Bob, "Bob, god damn it, my wife is having a heart attack and here you are trying to scare the kids"!!!
This is the joke from a category: Marriage jokes

If your wife comes out of the kitchen to whine at you, what have you usually done wrong? Made her chain too long.
This is the joke from a category: Marriage jokes