Best Cell Phones

He can compress the most words into the smallest ideas of any man I ever met.
Author: Abraham Lincoln

He draweth out the thread of his verbosity finer than the staple of his argument.
Author: William Shakespeare

He giveth his beloved sleep.
Author: Bible

He had occasional flashes of silence, that made his conversation perfectly delightful.
Author: Sydney Smith

He hath eaten me out of house and home.
Author: William Shakespeare

The world's most incredibly lazy man found a magic lamp. He rubbed it and a genie appeared and granted him three wishes. He wished for a horse, a sumo wrestler and a squirrel. "They're yours, but what are they for?" the genie asked. "I'm tired of walking everywhere--I want to just ride the horse. The sumo wrestler is so that I won't have to work to get on the horse." "But the squirrel?" asked the genie. "I need something to go 'click-click' to start the horse!!!"
This is the joke from a category: Humor jokes

A guy goes to a girl's house for the first time, and she shows him into the living room. She excuses herself to go to the kitchen to make them a few drinks, and as he's standing there alone, he notices a cute little vase on the mantel. He picks it up, and as he's looking at it, she walks back in. He says "What's this?" She says, "Oh, my father's ashes are in there." He goes, "Geez...oooh....I..." She says, "Yeah, he's too lazy to go to the kitchen to get an ashtray."
This is the joke from a category: Humor jokes

What's the difference between ignorance and indifference? I don't know and I don't care!
This is the joke from a category: Humor jokes

Q. What is the bigest pencil in the world? A. Pennsylvania
This is the joke from a category: Humor jokes

What did one rock pool say to the other rock pool? Show me your mussels.
This is the joke from a category: Humor jokes