Best Cell Phones

I believe that every human has a finite number of heart-beats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.
Author: Buzz Aldrin

I believe that people would be alive today if there were a death penalty.
Author: Nancy Reagan

I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.
Author: Demetri Martin

I came to the realization that there were certain public issues that were most usefully dealt with within some sort of framework of at least my private beliefs, if not my private life.
Author: Anna Quindlen

I can forgive Alfred Nobel for having invented dynamite, but only a fiend in human form could have invented the Nobel Prize.
Author: George Bernard Shaw

First person: Do you know how to save five lawyers who are drowning? Second person: No. First person: Good!
This is the joke from a category: Lawyer jokes

If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper?
This is the joke from a category: Lawyer jokes

What's the difference between a lawyer and an onion? You cry when you cut up an onion.
This is the joke from a category: Lawyer jokes

How can you tell a lawyer is lying? Other lawyers look interested.
This is the joke from a category: Lawyer jokes

Why don't lawyers enjoy playing golf? Because it's too much like work, what with all of the lying involved.
This is the joke from a category: Lawyer jokes