Best Cell Phones

I am not in this world to live up to other people's expectations, nor do I feel that the world must live up to mine.
Author: Fritz Perls

I cannot expect to perform the task with equal ability and success.
Author: Martin Van Buren

I cannot say whether things will get better if we change; what I can say is they must change if they are to get better.
Author: Georg Christoph Lichtenberg

I can't believe it! Reading and writing actually paid off!
Author: Matt Groening

I care not so much what I am to others as what I am to myself.
Author: Michel de Montaigne

Old Farmer Johnson was dying. The family was standing around his bed. With a low voice he sad to his wife: "When I'm dead I want you to marry farmer Jones." Wife: "No, I can't marry anyone after you." Johnson: "But I want you to." Wife: "But why?" Johnson: "Jones once cheated me in a horse deal!"
This is the joke from a category: Marriage jokes

A man was traveling down a country road when he saw a large group of people outside a house. He stopped and asked a person why the large crowd was there. A farmer replied, "Joe's mule kicked his mother-in-law and she died." "Well," replied the man, "she must have had a lot of friends." "Nope," said the farmer, "we all just want to buy his mule."
This is the joke from a category: Marriage jokes

Some people ask the secret of Anthony's long marriage. They take time to go to a restaurant two times a week: a little candlelight dinner, soft music, and a slow walk home. The Mrs. goes Tuesdays; He goes Fridays.
This is the joke from a category: Marriage jokes

Son: How much does it cost to get married, Dad? Father: I don't know son, I'm still paying for it.
This is the joke from a category: Marriage jokes

A biologist phones his wife from his office and says, "Honey, something has just come up, I realize its not my field season, but I have to visit my field site for a week. So, would you pack my clothes, my field equipment and my blue silk pajamas? I'll be home in 1 hour to pick them up." A week later he returned. "Did you have a good trip, dear?" his wife asked. "Oh, it was just a typical field trip, you know, work work work," he exclaimed, and added "But you forgot to pack my blue silk pajamas." "No I didn't," she replied. "I put them in the box of field equipment!"
This is the joke from a category: Marriage jokes