Best Cell Phones

I feel sorry for people who do not drink. When they wake up in the morning it is as good as they are going to feel all day.
Author: Frank Sinatra

I find it rather easy to portray a businessman. Being bland, rather cruel and incompetent comes naturally to me.
Author: John Cleese

I hate music, especially when it's played.
Author: Jimmy Durante

I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me.
Author: Hunter S. Thompson

I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.
Author: Jackie Mason

Doctor, doctor, I feel so short! No problem. Hop up on the couch.
This is the joke from a category: Mental health jokes

Doctor, Doctor, I think I'm a bridge. What's come over you? Oh, two cars, a large truck and a coach.
This is the joke from a category: Mental health jokes

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? "Why does the light bulb necessarily have to change?"
This is the joke from a category: Mental health jokes

When they arrived at the therapist's office, the therapist jumped right in and opened the floor for discussion. "What seems to be the problem?" Immediately, the husband held his long face down without anything to say. On the other hand, the wife began talking 90 miles and hour describing all the wrongs within their marriage. After 5 - - 10 - - 15 minutes of listening to the wife, the therapist went over to her, picked her up by her shoulders, kissed her passionately for several minutes, and sat her back down. Afterwards, the wife sat there - speechless. He looked over at the husband who was staring in disbelief at what had happened. The therapist spoke to the husband, "Your wife NEEDS that at least twice a week!" The husband scratched his head and replied, "I can have her here on Tuesdays and Thursdays."
This is the joke from a category: Mental health jokes

Three patients at a psychiatric clinic are up for release. The shrink informs them that they will have to pass a simple test. Asking the first patient: Q. How much is two plus two? A: Blue. At which the kind doctor calls in the orderly to escort the patient back to his room. Turning to the second patient, he asks what is six minus three? To which the patient replies: Square. Once again the orderly is called in to remove the patient. Turning to the third and last patient, he asks, "How much is five plus five?" The patient answers very confidentally: Ten. The doctor, amazed then inquires how did you figure it out? The patient: "Easy.Blue multiplied by square equals ten."
This is the joke from a category: Mental health jokes