Best Cell Phones

I think on-stage nudity is disgusting, shameful and damaging to all things American. But if I were 22 with a great body, it would be artistic, tasteful, patriotic and a progressive religious experience.
Author: Shelley Winters

I think that anyone who comes upon a Nautilus machine suddenly will agree with me that its prototype was clearly invented at some time in history when torture was considered a reasonable alternative to diplomacy.
Author: Anna Quindlen

I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him.
Author: Mark Twain

I say that a man must be certain of his morality for the simple reason that he has to suffer for it.
Author: G. K. Chesterton

I understand a fury in your words, But not the words.
Author: William Shakespeare

Talbot and his son James were called to Mrs. Cren-shaw's classroom. "Mr. Talbot," said the teacher, "I asked James 'Who shot Abraham Lincoln?' and he said that he didn't do it!" "Well, teacher," said Talbot, "if my kid said he didn't do it he didn't do it!" Father and son left the school, and on their way home Talbot turned to the boy and asked, "Tell me, son, did you do it?" '
This is the joke from a category: Parent jokes

"Honey," said Mrs. Beldon to her husband, "Lester's teacher says he ought to have an encyclopedia." "Encyclopedia, my eye!" exclaimed Beldon. "Let him walk to school like I did."
This is the joke from a category: Parent jokes

During a flood in a small Ohio town, a young girl was perched on top of a house with a little boy. As they sat watching articles float along with the water, they noticed a baseball cap float by. Suddenly, the cap turned and came back, then turned around and went downstream. After it had gone some distance, it turned again and came back. "Do you see that baseball cap?" said the girl. "First it goes downstream, then turns around and comes back." "Oh, that's my dad," replied the boy. "This morning he said that come hell or high water, he was going to cut the grass today."
This is the joke from a category: Parent jokes

Teddy came thundering down the stairs, much to his father's annoyance. 'Teddy,' he called, 'how many more times have I got to tell you to come down the stairs quietly? Now, go back up and come down like a civilised human being.' There was a silence, and Teddy reappeared in the front room. 'That's better,' said his father. 'Now will you always come down stairs like that?' 'Suits me,' said Teddy. 'I slid down the bannister.'
This is the joke from a category: Parent jokes

Girl: Mom, mom a monster's just bitten my foot off. Mom: Well, keep out of the kitchen, I've just washed the floor.
This is the joke from a category: Parent jokes