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If men saw that a term was set to their troubles, they would find strength in some way to withstand the hocus-pocus and intimidations of the prophets.
Author: Lucretius

If one sticks too rigidly to one's principles, one would hardly see anybody.
Author: Agatha Christie

If someone betrays you once, its their fault; if they betray you twice, its your fault.
Author: Eleanor Roosevelt

If stock market experts were so expert, they would be buying stock, not selling advice.
Author: Norman Augustine

If the fans don't wanna come out to the ballpark, no one can stop 'em.
Author: Yogi Berra

Q. How do we know that Job went to a chiropractor? A. Because in Job 16:12 we read, "I had come to be at ease, but he proceeded to shake me up and he grabbed me by the back of the neck and proceeded to smash me."
This is the joke from a category: Religious jokes

There's this guy who had been lost and walking in the desert for about 2 weeks. One hot day, he sees the home of a missionary. Tired and weak, he crawls up to the house and collapses on the doorstep. The missionary finds him and nurses him back to health. Feeling better, the man asks the missionary for directions to the nearest town. On his way out the backdoor, he sees this horse. He goes back into the house and asks the missionary, "Could I borrow your horse and give it back when I reach the town?" The missionary says, "Sure but there is a special thing about this horse. You have to say 'Thank God' to make it go and 'Amen' to make it stop." Not paying much attetion, the man says, "Sure, ok." So he gets on the horse and says, "Thank God" and the horse starts walking. Then he says, "Thank God, thank God," and the horse starts trotting. Feeling really brave, the man says, "Thank God, thank God, thank God, thank God, thank God" and the horse just takes off. Pretty soon he sees this cliff coming up and he's doing everything he can to make the horse stop. "Whoa, stop, hold on!!!!" Finally he remembers, "Amen!!" The horse stops 4 inches from the cliff. Then the man leans back in the saddle and says, "Thank God."
This is the joke from a category: Religious jokes

Q: Why didn't Noah go fishing? A: He only had two worms!
This is the joke from a category: Religious jokes

Q: Why did Moses wander in the desert for 40 years? A: Even then men wouldn't ask for directions!
This is the joke from a category: Religious jokes

A farmer named Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside except for a pet dog he for a long time. The dog finally died and Muldoon went to the parish priest, saying "Father, the dog is dead. Could you possibly be saying a Mass for the poor creature?" Father Patrick told the farmer "No, we can't have services for an animal in the church, but I'll tell you what, there's a new denomination down the road apiece, and no telling what they believe in, but maybe they'll do something for the animal." Muldoon said "I'll go right now. By the way, do you think $50,000 is enough to donate for the service?" Father Patrick replied "Why didn't you tell me the dog was Catholic."
This is the joke from a category: Religious jokes