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I reached for sleep and drew it round me like a blanket muffling pain and thought together in the merciful dark.
Author: Mary Stewart

I find the great thing in this world is not so much where we stand, as in what direction we are moving.
Author: Oliver Wendell Holmes

I say beware of all enterprises that require new clothes, and not rather a new wearer of clothes.
Author: Henry David Thoreau

I stand by all the misstatements that I've made.
Author: Dan Quayle

I take as metaphysical poetry that in which what is ordinarily apprehensible only by thought is brought within the grasp of feeling, or that in which what is ordinarily only felt is transformed into thought without ceasing to be feeling.
Author: T. S. Eliot

On the steps of this church two pan handlers were doing their daily business. One wore a large cross on his chest and the other - a star of David. Of course, most of the church goers generously gave to the cross wearer and the other was overlooked. Finally the Pastor approached the Jew and suggested that if he take off the star of David maybe he'd get some more hand outs. "Get this guy, Chaim" laughs the pan handler and turns to his cross wearing pal, "He's trying to teach *us* how to do business!"
This is the joke from a category: Religious jokes

Mr. Smith was brought to Mercy Hospital (a Catholic hospital), and taken quickly in for coronary surgery. The operation went well and, as the groggy man regained consciousness, he was reassured by a Sister of Mercy, who was waiting by his bed. "Mr. Smith, you're going to be just fine," said the nun, gently patting his hand. "We do need to know, however, how you intend to pay for your stay here. Are you covered by insurance?" "No, I'm not," the man whispered hoarsely. "Then can you pay in cash?" persisted the nun. "I'm afraid I cannot, Sister." "Well, do you have any close relatives?" the nun questioned sternly. "Just my sister in New Mexico," he volunteered. "But she's a humble spinster nun." "Oh, I must correct you, Mr. Smith. Nuns are not spinsters - they are married to God." "Wonderful," said Mr. Smith. "In that case, please send the bill to my brother-in -law."
This is the joke from a category: Religious jokes

A little Catholic kid was praying as hard as he could. 'God,' he prayed, 'I really want a car.' Jumping up and dashing to the window, he saw that the driveway was empty. 'God,' he prayed again, 'I really NEED a car.' Still no answer to his prayers. Suddenly the kid stood up, ran into his parents' bedroom, and grabbed the statuette of the Virgin Mary off the mantelpiece. He wrapped it up in ten layers of paper, using three rolls of tape and a spool of twine, then stuffed it inside a box at the very bottom of his closet. 'Okay, God,' he said, getting down onto his knees again, 'if you ever want to see your mother again...'
This is the joke from a category: Religious jokes

A preacher was completing a temperance sermon: with great expression he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river." With even greater emphasis he said, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river." And then finally, he said, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river." He sat down. The song leader then stood very cautiously and announced with a smile, "For our closing song, let us sing Hymn # 365: "Shall We Gather at the River."
This is the joke from a category: Religious jokes

On the airplane on his way back to Rome, the Pope was doing a crossword puzzle. After a while, he turned the the bishop sitting next to him and said, "What's a four -letter word ending in "unt" which means "woman"? The bishop said, "Did you try "aunt"? The Pope said, "Mmmm. Do you have an eraser?"
This is the joke from a category: Religious jokes