I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time.
Author: Charles M. Schulz

The problem with any unwritten law is that you don't know where to go to erase it.
Author: Glaser and Way

The proof that man is the noblest of all creatures is that no other creature has ever denied it.
Author: Georg Christoph Lichtenberg

The Puritans gave thanks for being preserved from the Indians, and we give thanks for being preserved from the Puritans.
Author: Finley Peter Dunne

The quickest way to a man's heart really is through his stomach, because then you don't have to chop through that pesky rib cage.
Author: J. Jacques

What makes an ideal present for a monster? Five pairs of gloves one for each hand.
This is the joke from a category: Monster jokes

What do you get if you cross a tall green monster with a fountain pen? The Ink-credible Hulk.
This is the joke from a category: Monster jokes

Mr Monster: Oi, hurry up with my supper. Mrs Monster: Oh, do be quiet I've only got three pairs of hands.
This is the joke from a category: Monster jokes

What does a monster mom say to her kids at dinnertime? Don't talk with someone in your mouth.
This is the joke from a category: Monster jokes

The monster spent a fortune on deodorants before he found out that people didn't like him anyway.
This is the joke from a category: Monster jokes