Speak clearly, if you speak at all; carve every word before you let it fall.
Author: Oliver Wendell Holmes

The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds; and the pessimist fears this is true.
Author: James Branch Cabell

If two men agree on everything, you may be sure that one of them is doing the thinking.
Author: Lyndon B. Johnson

The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.
Author: Mitch Hedberg

Law is the embodiment of the moral sentiment of the people.
Author: William Blackstone

The chief of staff of the US Air Force decided that he would personally intervene in the recruiting crisis affecting all of our armed services. He directed a nearby Air Force base that will be opened and that all eligible young men and women be invited. As he and his staff were standing near a brand new F-15 Fighter, a pair of twin brothers who looked like they had just stepped off a Marine Corps recruiting poster walked up to them. The chief of staff walked up to them, stuck out his hand and introduced himself. He looked at the first young man and asked, "Son, what skills can you bring to the Air Force?" The young man looks at him and says, "I'm a pilot!" The general gets all excited, turns to his aide and says, "Get him in today, all the paper work done, everything, do it!" The aide hustles the young man off. The general looks at the second young man and asked, "What s kills to you bring to the Air Force?" The young man says, "I chop wood!" "Son," the general replies, "we don't need wood choppers in the Air Force, what do you know how to do?" "I chop wood!" "Young man," huffs the general, "you are not listening to me, we don't need wood choppers, this is the 20th century!" "Well," the young man says, "you hired my brother!" "Of course we did," says the general, "he's a pilot!" The young man rolls his eyes and says, "So what! I have to chop it before he can pile it!"
This is the joke from a category: Military jokes

The first woman recruit in the Army reported for duty and was told that although her quarters would be in a separate building, she was to mess with the men. It wasn't until four weeks later someone finally told her that meant to eat her meals with them.
This is the joke from a category: Military jokes

Why did the army send so many women with PMS to the Persian Gulf? They fought like animals and retained water for 4 days.
This is the joke from a category: Military jokes

- How many survivors of nuclear war does it take to screw in a light bulb? - None. People that glow in the dark don't need lights.
This is the joke from a category: Military jokes

A patrol of allied soldiers were in a ruined city during World War Two. They are bragging and joshing about how many kills they have so far to keep up courage on their route through the rubbled buildings. Sergeant Joe thumps his chest and proclaims. "I got me 4 germans bagged so far. Howabout you John?" Before Pfc John can reply, a lone german soldier runs out of a trashed hotel. In the process of throwing down his rifle after seeing the larger allied soldier group, he shouts "NEIN!" Pfc John takes aim at the enemy and shoots him. "Well, he wont get himself a tenth allied soldier." Joe all year long!
This is the joke from a category: Military jokes