The purpose of a funeral service is to comfort the living. It is important at a funeral to display excessive grief. This will show others how kind-hearted and loving you are and their improved opinion of you will be very comforting.
Author: P. J. O Rourke

The quality of mercy is not strain'd, It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven Upon the place beneath. It is twice blest: It blesseth him that gives and him that takes. 'T is mightiest in the mightiest: it becomes The throned monarch better th
Author: William Shakespeare

The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right place but to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
Author: Dorothy Nevill

Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it.
Author: Henry David Thoreau

People who like this sort of thing will find this the sort of thing they like.
Author: Abraham Lincoln

What monster plays the most April Fool's jokes? Prankenstein!
This is the joke from a category: Monster jokes

How do you stop a monster from smelling? Cut off his nose.
This is the joke from a category: Monster jokes

What's big and ugly and drinks out of the wrong side of the glass? A monster trying to get rid of hiccups.
This is the joke from a category: Monster jokes

What do sea monsters have for dinner? Fish and ships.
This is the joke from a category: Monster jokes

FIRST HUMAN BOY: I can lift a monster with one hand. SECOND HUMAN BOY: Bet you can't! FIRST HUMAN BOY: Find me a monster with one hand and I'll prove it.
This is the joke from a category: Monster jokes