The average, healthy, well-adjusted adult gets up at seven-thirty in the morning feeling just plain terrible.
Author: Jean Kerr

The belief in a supernatural source of evil is not necessary; men alone are quite capable of every wickedness.
Author: Joseph Conrad

I'm a level 5 vegan, I don't eat anything that casts a shadow.
Author: Matt Groening

The best mirror is an old friend.
Author: George Herbert

I dream, therefore I become.
Author: Cheryl Rene Grossman

Mayne and Willard, two idiots, were in a rowboat on a lake fishing. Suddenly the spray from a motorboat racing by flooded their boat. "How we gonna get the water out?" asked Mayne. "Easy," said Willard. "We just bore a hole in the bottom of the boat and let the water drain out." The men drilled a hole in the bottom, and more water started rushing in. "Wait a minute!" exclaimed Mayne. "We need another hole so's the water comin' in through the first one has a place to go back into the lake!"
This is the joke from a category: Idiot and fool jokes

Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them, shouting please to come out and give himself up.
This is the joke from a category: Idiot and fool jokes

Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.
This is the joke from a category: Idiot and fool jokes

Why did the stupid boy wear a turtle neck sweater? To hide his flea collar.
This is the joke from a category: Idiot and fool jokes

A guy walking down a street one afternoon passes an old man sitting on the side of the road with a large sack. The younger guy says to the old man, "Watcha got in the sack?" The old man responds, "I got some monkeys in that there sack." The younger man asks, "If I guess how many monkeys you got in the sack, can I keep one?" The old man replies, "Son, if you guess how many monkeys I got in this sack, I'll give you both of 'em!"
This is the joke from a category: Idiot and fool jokes