Thankfully, beauty is easier to remove than apply, and a swipe of demaquillage in the right direction and you are you once again.
Author: Margaret Cho

That action is best which procures the greatest happiness.
Author: Francis Hutcheson

That consciousness is everything and that all things begin with a thought. That we are responsible for our own fate, we reap what we sow, we get what we give, we pull in what we put out. I know these things for sure.
Author: Madonna

It is a truth universally acknowledged that as soon as one part of your life starts looking up, another falls to pieces.
Author: Helen Fielding

That you may retain your self-respect, it is better to displease the people by doing what you know is right, than to temporarily please them by doing what you know is wrong.
Author: William J. H. Boetcker

A husband and wife were shopping when the wife said, "Darling, its my mother's birthday tomorrow. What shall we buy for her? She would like something electric." The husband replied, "How about a chair?!?"
This is the joke from a category: Humor jokes

There once was a German schoolteacher. She went to England to teach. When she arrived at the boardinghouse, she wanted to use the bathroom of the Water Closet. She sent a note with a messenger boy to the host asking where the WC was, thinking that the house knew what WC stood for. When the host recieved the letter, he wrote a response thinking that the WC was the Wayside Chapel. He reponse read: The WC is 3 miles away. My wife has been sick for a while, so she was not able to go for 3 years. The WC can hold up to 300 people at one time. The people complained about the hard wooden seats so instead soft, plush seats were made. I have reserved for you the best seat where EVERYONE can see you!
This is the joke from a category: Humor jokes

What do you use to cut the ocean? A seasaw
This is the joke from a category: Humor jokes

Why did the knight run about shouting for a tin opener ? He had a bee in his suit of armour !
This is the joke from a category: Humor jokes

This morning I felt that today was going to be my lucky day. I got up at seven, had seven dollars in my pocket, there were seven of us at lunch and there were seven horses in the seven o'clock race - so I backed the seventh. Did it win? No, it came seventh.
This is the joke from a category: Humor jokes