That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
Author: A. Whitney Brown

People forget how fast you did a job - but they remember how well you did it.
Author: Howard Newton

That seems to point up a significant difference between Europeans and Americans. A European says: "I can't understand this, what's wrong with me?" An American says: "I can't understand this, what's wrong with him?"
Author: Terry Pratchett

That which you call your soul or spirit is your consciousness, and that which you call 'free will' is your mind's freedom to think or not, the only will you have, your only freedom, the choice that controls all the choices you make and determines your lif
Author: Ayn Rand

Like one Who having into truth, by telling of it, Made such a sinner of his memory, To credit his own lie.
Author: William Shakespeare

What's the difference between a sigh, a car and a monkey? A sigh is oh, dear. A car is too dear. A monkey is you, dear.
This is the joke from a category: Humor jokes

Q: How many Survivors does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: One to start screwing it in and the rest to vote 'em off the ladder.
This is the joke from a category: Humor jokes

Q: Why did the haunted house not like rain? A: Because it dampened his spirits.
This is the joke from a category: Humor jokes

The world's most incredibly lazy man found a magic lamp. He rubbed it and a genie appeared and granted him three wishes. He wished for a horse, a sumo wrestler and a squirrel. "They're yours, but what are they for?" the genie asked. "I'm tired of walking everywhere--I want to just ride the horse. The sumo wrestler is so that I won't have to work to get on the horse." "But the squirrel?" asked the genie. "I need something to go 'click-click' to start the horse!!!"
This is the joke from a category: Humor jokes

A guy goes to a girl's house for the first time, and she shows him into the living room. She excuses herself to go to the kitchen to make them a few drinks, and as he's standing there alone, he notices a cute little vase on the mantel. He picks it up, and as he's looking at it, she walks back in. He says "What's this?" She says, "Oh, my father's ashes are in there." He goes, "Geez...oooh....I..." She says, "Yeah, he's too lazy to go to the kitchen to get an ashtray."
This is the joke from a category: Humor jokes