Such praise coming from so degraded a source, was degrading to me, its recipient.
Author: Cicero

Sure i'm for helping the elderly. I'm going to be old myself some day.
Author: Lillian Carter

Sweet are the uses of adversity, which, like a toad, though ugly and venomous, wears yet a precious jewel in its head.
Author: William Shakespeare

Take calculated risks. That is quite different from being rash.
Author: George S. Patton

Talent does what it can, Genius does what it must.
Author: Edward Bulwer-Lytton

How many archaeologists does it take to change a light bulb? Three. One to change it while the other two argue about how old the old one is.
This is the joke from a category: Humor jokes

Why was the horse all charged up? It ate some haywire!
This is the joke from a category: Horse jokes

How many librarians does it take to screw in a light bulb? "I don't know, but I can look it up for you."
This is the joke from a category: Humor jokes

Bill and Steve are enjoying a beer and discussing the possibility of love. "I thought I was in love three times," Bill says. "Thought?" Steve asks. "What do you mean?" "Three years ago, I cared very deeply for a woman who wanted nothing to do with me," Bill says. "Wasn't that love?" Steve asks. "No, that was obsession," Bill explains. "Then two years ago, I cared very deeply for an attractive woman who didn't understand me." "Wasn't that love?" asks Steve. "No, that was lust," Bill replies. "And just last year, I met a woman while I was on a cruise. She was gorgeous, intelligent, a great conversationalist and had a super sense of humor. Everywhere I followed her on that ship, I would get a very strange sensation in the pit of my stomach." "Well, wasn't that love," asks Steve. "No. That was motion sickness!" Bill replies.
This is the joke from a category: Humor jokes

A girl walked over to her neighbor's for her morning chat session. When she got there, her neighbor remarked how tired she looked. "Yeah" she said, "I didn't sleep well last night, I had this really strange dream." "Do tell" said her neighbor, pouring the coffee. "Well, I dreamed I woke up and went downstairs as usual, but when I looked in the mirror my face had turned orange, and my hair was sticking straight up out of my head and was green!" "Sounds like you turned into a punk rocker or something" the neighbor said, with a grin. "No" she said, "It wasn't like that. It was as if I knew something was wrong, but it seemed normal somehow, you know what I mean?" "Sure" said the neighbor, "Everybody's had dreams like that." "Well anyway" she continued, "I decided to go down and get the mail, because even in my dream, I figured I must be dreaming, so what the heck if I was orange, you know? So I walk down and get my mail, and I keep feeling everybody looking at me! "Then I get a good look at myself in the big window in front of the store, and I'll be darned if I wasn't a carrot! It was such a shock I stumbled backwards and got hit by a truck driven by that nice doctor down the street. The last thing I remember before I woke up was him bending over me, telling me his diagnosis." "Wow" laughed the neighbor, "Did you live?" "Yeah, I lived" sighed the girl, "But the doctor said I'd be a vegetable the rest of my life."
This is the joke from a category: Humor jokes