Sorrow was like the wind. It came in gusts.
Author: Marjorie Kinnan Rawlings

I phoned my dad to tell him I had stopped smoking. He called me a quitter.
Author: Steven Pearl

Speak to me as to thy thinkings, As thou dost ruminate, and give thy worst of thoughts The worst of words.
Author: William Shakespeare

Speech is conveniently located midway between thought and action, where it often substitutes for both.
Author: John Andrew Holmes

I don't hire people who have to be told to be nice. I hire nice people.
Author: Leona Helmsly

How did Columbus's men sleep on their ships ? With their eyes shut !
This is the joke from a category: History jokes

How did you do in your tests ? I did what George Washington did ! What was that ? Went down in history !
This is the joke from a category: History jokes

What does the 1286BC incribed on the mummy's tomb indicate ? The registration of the car that ran him over !
This is the joke from a category: History jokes

Two men died and went to Heaven. St. Peter greeted them, and said "I'm sorry, gentlemen, but your mansions aren't ready yet. Until they are, I can send you back to Earth as whatever you want to be." "Great!" said the first guy, "I want to be an eagle soaring above beautiful scenery!" "No problem," replied St. Peter, and POOF! The guy was gone. "And what do you want to be," St. Peter asked the other guy. "I'd like to be one cool stud!" was the reply. "Easy," replied St. Peter, and the other guy was gone. After a few months, their mansions were finished, and St. Peter sent an angel to fetch them back. "You'll find them easily," he says, "One of them is soaring above the Grand Canyon, and the other one is on a snow tire somewhere in Detroit!"
This is the joke from a category: Heaven and hell jokes

St. Peter is questioning three married couples to see if they qualify for admittance to heaven. "Why do you deserve to pass the Pearly Gates?" he asks one of the men, who had been a butler. "I was a good father," he answers. "Yes, but you were a drunk all your life. In fact, you were so bad you even married a woman named Sherry. No admittance." St. Peter then turned to the next man, a carpenter, and asked him the same question. The carpenter replied that he had worked hard and taken good care of his family. But St. Peter also rejected him, pointing out that he had been an impossible glutton, so much so that he married a woman named BonBon. At this point the third man, who had been a lawyer, stood up and said, "Come on, Penny, let's get out of here."
This is the joke from a category: Heaven and hell jokes