Money alone sets all the world in motion.
Author: Publilius Syrus

Really, he called me that? Ellen DeGenerate? I've been getting that since fourth grade. I guess I'm happy I could give him work.
Author: Ellen DeGeneres

Recommend to your children virtue; that alone can make them happy, not gold.
Author: Ludwig van Beethoven

Refuse to be ill. Never tell people you are ill; never own it to yourself. Illness is one of those things which a man should resist on principle.
Author: Edward Bulwer-Lytton

Remember now thy Creator in the days of thy youth.
Author: Bible

Q: Did you know they are taking out all the K-Marts in Afghanistan? A: They are putting in TARGETS!!!
This is the joke from a category: Ethnic jokes

Q: Where does an Irish person go on a vacation? A: A new bar
This is the joke from a category: Ethnic jokes

The Englishman's, Irishman's and Scotsman's wives go shopping one day to a big department store. While they are there a fire breaks out. Everyone in the store is killed, including the three women. Their husbands are summoned to the local police station where a policewoman breaks the news to them: "I'm afraid sirs, that we believe your wives were killed in the fire at the department store. However the fire was so intense we cannot identify the bodies. Only their handbags survived the blaze. Can you identify your wives' handbags from these three found in the store?" The three men all look at the handbags and each one is able to identify one of the handbags as belonging to his wife. With all handbags accounted for the policewoman leaves the men to deal with their grief in peace. The three men sit in silence for a while, then the Englishman opens his wife's handbag and rummages through the conte nts, finally pulling out a half-empty packet of cigarettes and says "All these years married and I never knew the old girl smoked." The Scotsman looks into his wife's handbag and pulls out a half-empty bottle of scotch. "Jings, I knew her all that time an ah didnae ken ma missus drank." The Irishman empties his wife's handbag onto the floor, looks through the contents and picks up a half empty packet of condoms. "'Saints preserve us! All dese years an oi never knew me wife was a man."
This is the joke from a category: Ethnic jokes

An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman are wandering through the desert, hungry and hallucinating, when they come upon a rotting, dead camel. "Well," said the Englishman, "I support the Liverpool football club, so I'll eat the liver." "I support the Hearts club," said the Scotsman, "so I'll eat the heart." "I support Arsenal," said the Irishman, "but I seem to have lost my appetite."
This is the joke from a category: Ethnic jokes

There were three explorers, hiking through what is now known as Canada. "You know," said one of the explorers, "we should name this place we're hiking through." "I know," said the second explorer. "We'll each pick a letter and then make a name out of that." "Okay," said the third, "I'll go first. C, eh." "N, eh." "D, eh." And that's how they named Canada...
This is the joke from a category: Ethnic jokes