I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.
Author: Mitch Hedberg

Self-esteem is the reputation we acquire with ourselves.
Author: Nathaniel Branden

Never knock on Death's door: ring the bell and run away! Death really hates that!
Author: Matt Frewer

Setting a good example for children takes all the fun out of middle age.
Author: William Feather

I can't imagine anything worse than being required to have fun.
Author: Scott Westerfeld

A man went into a deli shop and took a seat at the lunch counter. "Give me a corned beef sandwich," he ordered. "Corned beef sandwich is not on the menu, but I can give you a sandwich with corned beef in it, like our Midnight Special." "What's a Midnight Special?" "A triple decker with corned beef, tongue, bologna, tomato, lettuce, onion, pickle and mayonnaise, on toasted raisin bread." "Could you just place a piece of corned beef between two slices of white bread and serve it to me on a plate?" "Why, sure!" Then, turning to the sandwich man, he sang out: "One Midnight Special. Make it one deck, hold the tongue, bologna, tomato, lettuce, onion, pickle and mayonnaise, and make the raisin bread white, untoasted!"
This is the joke from a category: Food jokes

What is the title of the new Vietnamamese cookbook ? 100 way to wok your dog.
This is the joke from a category: Food jokes

I'd say he was spineless. Yes, about as spineless as cooked spaghetti.
This is the joke from a category: Food jokes

What's the best day to eat bacon? Fry-day.
This is the joke from a category: Food jokes

What did the biscuit say when it saw two friends knocked down? Crumbs!
This is the joke from a category: Food jokes