See what will happen if you don't stop biting your fingernails?
Author: Will Rogers

If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away.
Author: Henry David Thoreau

I went off to college planning to major in math or philosophy-- of course, both those ideas are really the same idea.
Author: Frank Wilczek

Set thine house in order.
Author: Bible

Lighter is the wound foreseen.
Author: Cato the Elder

A couple of kids tried using pickles for a Ping-Pong game. They had the volley of the Dills.
This is the joke from a category: Food jokes

I thought you were trying to get into shape? I am. The shape I've selected is a triangle.
This is the joke from a category: Food jokes

Q: Ever wonder about people who pay $2 for a bottle of Evian water? A: Just spell "Evian" backwards!
This is the joke from a category: Food jokes

What are the four food groups? For bachelors: Fast, Frozen, Junk and Spoiled. For drinkers: Malt, Hops, Barley and Yeast. For heavies: Caffeine, Fat, Sugar, Chocolate.
This is the joke from a category: Food jokes

What's red and invisible? No tomatoes.
This is the joke from a category: Food jokes