Sexually,we are all competing for the same seat on the bus and the thing that holds it together is the tightly held conceit that we are all sexual gods. How can I believe in my own uniqueness when there's a cat out there exactly the same as me?
Author: Jeff Melvoin

If my hands are fully occupied in holding on to something, I can neither give nor receive.
Author: Dorothee Solle

She knows what is the best purpose of education: not to be frightened by the best but to treat it as part of daily life.
Author: John Mason Brown

She was a woman who, between courses, could be graceful with her elbows on the table.
Author: Henry James

People everywhere confuse what they read in newspapers with news.
Author: A. J. Liebling

Mom: Fred, there were two chocolate cakes in the larder yesterday, and now there's only one. Why? Fred: I don't know. It must have been so dark I didn't see the other one.
This is the joke from a category: Food jokes

What's the difference between a vampire and a cookie? You can't dip a vampire in your tea.
This is the joke from a category: Food jokes

My brother's on a seafood diet. Really? Yes, the more he sees food the more he eats.
This is the joke from a category: Food jokes

Why did the teacher have her hair in a bun? Because she had her nose in a hamburger.
This is the joke from a category: Food jokes

An elderly couple were killed in an accident and found themselves being given a tour of heaven by Saint Peter. "Here is your oceanside condo, over there are the tennis courts, swimming pool, and two golf courses. If you need any refreshments, just stop by any of the many bars located throughout the area." "Heck, Gloria," the old man hissed when Saint Peter walked off, "we could have been here ten years ago if you hadn't heard about all that stupid oat bran, wheat germ, and low-fat diets!"
This is the joke from a category: Food jokes