Setting a good example for children takes all the fun out of middle age.
Author: William Feather

I can't imagine anything worse than being required to have fun.
Author: Scott Westerfeld

No one has a finer command of language than the person who keeps his mouth shut.
Author: Sam Rayburn

It is not these well-fed long-haired men that I fear, but the pale and the hungry-looking.
Author: Julius Caesar

Silence is the most perfect expression of scorn.
Author: George Bernard Shaw

At a party, a conjurer was producing egg after egg from a little boy's ear. "There!" he said proudly. "I bet your Mum can't produce eggs without hens, can she?" "Oh yes, she can," said the boy. "She keeps ducks."
This is the joke from a category: Food jokes

Teacher: If you saw me standing by a witch, what fruit would it remind you of? Pupil: A pear.
This is the joke from a category: Food jokes

Why are fried onions like a photocopy machine? They keep repeating themselves.
This is the joke from a category: Food jokes

A fat girl went into a cafe and ordered two slices of apple pie with four scoops of ice cream cover with lashings of raspberry sauce and piles of chopped nuts. 'Would you like a cherry on the top ?' asked the waitress. 'No, thanks,' said the girl, 'I'm on a diet !'
This is the joke from a category: Food jokes

Why are oranges like bells? You can peel (peal) both of them.
This is the joke from a category: Food jokes