Reports that say that something hasn't happened are always interesting to me, because as we know, there are known knowns; there are things we know we know. We also know there are known unknowns; that is to say we know there are some things we do not know.
Author: Donald H. Rumsfeld

Reputation is what other people know about you. Honor is what you know about yourself.
Author: Lois McMaster Bujold

Poor is the man whose pleasures depend on the permission of another.
Author: Madonna

Risk! Risk anything! Care no more for the opinions of others, for those voices. Do the hardest thing on earth for you. Act for yourself. Face the truth.
Author: Katherine Mansfield

Rogues are preferable to imbeciles because they sometimes take a rest.
Author: Alexandre Dumas

A farmer lived on a quiet rural highway. But, as time went by, the traffic slowly built up at an alarming rate. The traffic was so heavy and so fast that his chickens were being run over at a rate of three to six a day. So one day he called the sheriff's office and said, "You've got to do something about all of these people driving so fast and killing all of my chickens." "What do you want me to do?" asked the sheriff. "I don't care, just do something about those drivers!" So the next day he had the county workers go out and erect a sign that said: SLOW: SCHOOL CROSSING Three days later the farmer called the sheriff and said, "You've got to do something about these drivers. The 'school crossing' sign seems to make them go faster." So, again, the sheriff sends out the county workers and they put up a new sign: SLOW: CHILDREN AT PLAY And that really sped them up. So the f armer called and called and called everyday for three weeks. Finally, he asked the sheriff, "Your signs are doing no good. Is it all right for me to put up my own sign?" The sheriff told him, "Sure thing, put up your own sign." He was going to let the farmer do just about anything in order to have him stop calling. Well, the sheriff got no more calls from the farmer. Three weeks after the farmers last call, the sheriff decided to call him. "How's the problem with those drivers. Did you put up your sign?" "Oh, I sure did. And not one chicken has been killed since then. I've got to go. I'm very busy." And he hung up the phone. The sheriff thought to himself, "I'd better go to that farmer's house and look at that sign... There might be something there that WE could use to slow down drivers." So the sheriff drove out to the farmer's house, and he saw the sign. It was a whole sheet of plywood. And writte n in large yellow letters were the words: SLOW: NUDIST COLONY
This is the joke from a category: Farmer jokes

A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, "Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large". Then they walk around the ranch a little and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, " We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows". The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field. He asks, "And what are those"? The Aussie asks with an incredulous look, "Don't you have any grasshoppers in Texas"?
This is the joke from a category: Farmer jokes

Camp Woodland was across the road from a dairy farm. One day the kids saw a large bull. 'Is that bull safe?' someone asked the farmer. 'Safer than you are!' was his answer.
This is the joke from a category: Farmer jokes

What did the farmer say when all his cows charged him at once ? I'm on the horns of a dilemma here !
This is the joke from a category: Farmer jokes

Farmer Jones bought a herd of pigs from a Roman farmer who moved into the next valley and boy, is he sorry. The hogs won't come to the feed trough unless he calls them in Pig Latin.
This is the joke from a category: Farmer jokes