Sweet are the uses of adversity, which, like a toad, though ugly and venomous, wears yet a precious jewel in its head.
Author: William Shakespeare

Take calculated risks. That is quite different from being rash.
Author: George S. Patton

Talent does what it can, Genius does what it must.
Author: Edward Bulwer-Lytton

Talk of nothing but business, and dispatch that business quickly.
Author: Aldus Manutius

Thankfully, beauty is easier to remove than apply, and a swipe of demaquillage in the right direction and you are you once again.
Author: Margaret Cho

A gang of witches broke into a blood bank last night and stole a thousand pints of blood. Police are still hunting for the clots.
This is the joke from a category: Humor jokes

A man went in to the bank and asked to see the man who arranged the loans. 'I'm sorry, sir,' said a cashier, 'the loan arranger is out to lunch.' 'Can I speak to Tonto, then?' asked the man.
This is the joke from a category: Humor jokes

Clown: Why are you wearing such a large shirt? Second Clown: I always perform in the big top.
This is the joke from a category: Humor jokes

Do you know the punishment for bigamy? Two mothers-in-law.
This is the joke from a category: Humor jokes

Before going to Europe on business, a man drove his Rolls Royce to a downtown NY City bank and went in to ask for an immediate loan of $6,000. The loan officer was quite taken a back, and requested collateral. "Well, then, here are the keys to my Rolls-Royce", the man said. The loan officer promptly had the car driven into the bank's underground parking for safekeeping, and gave him 6,000. Two weeks later, the man walked through the bank's doors, and asked to settle up his loan and get his car back. The loan officer checked the records and told him, "That will be $6,000 in principal, and $18.40 in interest." The man wrote out a check, thanked the loan officer, and started to walk away. "Wait sir," the loan officer said, "while you were gone, I found out you are a millionaire. Why in the world would you need to borrow? The man smiled. "Where else could I securely park my Rolls-Royce in Manhattan for t wo weeks and pay only $18.40?"
This is the joke from a category: Humor jokes