If charity cost nothing, the world would be full of philanthropists.
Author: Jewish Proverb

Spontaneous kindness is to hipsters as high beams are to deer.
Author: J. Jacques

Stamina is utterly important. And stamina is only possible if it's managed well. People think all they need to do is endure one crazy, intense, job-free creative burst and their dreams will come true. They are wrong, they are stupidly wrong.
Author: Hugh Macleod

I was always looking outside myself for strength and confidence but it comes from within. It is there all the time.
Author: Anna Freud

I have a rock garden. Last week three of them died.
Author: Richard Diran

A man arrives at the gates of heaven. St. Peter asks, "Religion?" The man says, "Methodist." St. Peter looks down his list, and says, "Go to room 24, but be very quiet as you pass room 8." Another man arrives at the gates of heaven. "Religion?" "Baptist." "Go to room 18, but be very quiet as you pass room 8." A third man arrives at the gates. "Religion?" "Jewish." "Go to room 11, but be very quiet as you pass room 8." The man says, "I can understand there being different rooms for different religions, but why must I be quiet when I pass room 8?" St. Peter tells him, "Well the Jehovah's Witnesses are in room 8, and they think they're the only ones here.
This is the joke from a category: Heaven and hell jokes

Three people die, a Doctor a school teacher and the head of a large HMO, when met at the pearly gates by St. Peter he asks the Doctor 'what did you do on Earth?' The Dotor replied, I healed the sick and if they could not pay I would do it for free. St. Peter told the Doctor, 'you may go in.' St. Peter then asked the teacher what she did, she replied, I taught educationally challenged children. St. Peter then told her 'you may go in.' St. Peter asked the third man, 'what did you do?' The man hung his head and replied, 'I ran a large HMO.' To which St. Peter replied, 'you may go in, but you can only stay 3 days.'
This is the joke from a category: Heaven and hell jokes

This 85 year old couple, having been married almost 60 years, had died in a car crash. They had been in good health the last ten years mainly due to her interest in health food, and exercise. When they reached the pearly gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion which was decked out with a beautiful kitchen and master bath suite and Jacuzzi. As they "oohed and aahed" the old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost. "It's free," Peter replied, "this is Heaven." Next they went out back to survey the championship golf course that the home backed up to. They would have golfing privileges everyday and each week the course changed to a new one representing the great golf courses on earth. The old man asked, "what are the green fees?". Peter's reply, "This is heaven, you play for free." Next they went to the club house and saw the lavish buffet lunch with r the cuisine's of the world laid out. "How much to eat?" asked the old man. "Don't you understand yet? This is heaven, it is free!" Peter replied with some exasperation. "Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol tables?" the old man asked timidly. Peter lectured, "That's the best part...you can eat as much as you like of whatever you like and you never get fat and you never get sick. This is Heaven." With that the old man went into a fit of anger, throwing down his hat and stomping on it, and shrieking wildly. Peter and his wife both tried to calm him down, asking him what was wrong. The old man looked at his wife and said, "This is all your fault. If it weren't for your blasted bran muffins, I could have been here ten years ago!"
This is the joke from a category: Heaven and hell jokes

Three college football coaches were flying across the country when their airplane crashed and all three died. They all noticed God up in the clouds sitting in a chair. God motioned for one of them to come into the clouds. God wanted to know three things: "Who are you? What did you do? What did people think of you?" The first coach said, "I'm Joe Paterno. I coached Penn State from 1966 to 2000. I won 300 games, 19 bowl victories, 2 national championships, and won Coach of the Year 4 times. The people of Pennsylvania think I'm great." God said, "Fine, Joe, stand at my right side." The next person said, "I'm Bobby Bowden. I coached Florida State University from 1980 to 2000. I had a .816 win percentage, played in 14 bowl games without a loss and won a national championship after beating Nebraska. The people of Florida think I'm great." God said, "Fine, Bobby, stan d at my left side." The third coach stood before God and said, "I'm Bob Stoops. I took over a storied Oklahoma program that had won 6 national championships and held many NCAA records but had fallen to the lowest of the low. In the 3 years prior to me taking over the Sooners they went 3-8 (worst season in 102 years of football), 4-8, and 5-6, beating Texas only once and not beating Colorado or Nebraska, not to mention losing to OSU. I coached the Sooners for a season and a half, going 7-5 in my first year beating a top-15 Texas A&M with my unranked team and taking the Sooners to a bowl game. 7 games into my second season we were undefeated and I took the Sooners to #1 in the AP poll, Coaches poll, and BCS poll. We beat #10 Texas 63-14, #2 Kansas State in Manhattan 41-31, and #1 Nebraska 31-14. Our quarterback was the frontrunner for the Heisman trophy, we were in the driver's seat for the national championship, and th e people of Oklahoma think you are sitting in my chair."
This is the joke from a category: Heaven and hell jokes

A doctor, an engineer, and a fungal taxonomist arrived at The Pearly Gates. The doctor said how he'd healed the sick, helped the lame; but he was a sinner and was sent to Hell. The engineer told how he'd built homes for the homeless, etc.; but he messed up the environment, so he was sent to Hell. The fungal taxonomist was frightened by all this, but as soon as he mentioned his occupation, God said "You've already been thru Hell, Welcome to Heaven."
This is the joke from a category: Heaven and hell jokes