Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.
Author: Mark Twain

Suspicion always haunts the guilty mind.
Author: William Shakespeare

Tact is the knack of making a point without making an enemy.
Author: Isaac Newton

Take away the miseries and you take away some folks' reason for living.
Author: Toni Cade Bambara

Talk not of wasted affection, affection never was wasted, If it enrich not the heart of another, its waters returning Back to their springs, like the rain shall fill them full of refreshment; That which the fountain sends forth returns again to the fou
Author: Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

How many cashiers does it take to change a light bulb? "Are you kidding? They won't even change a five dollar bill."
This is the joke from a category: Humor jokes

Why was the racehorse named Bad News? Because bad news travels fast!
This is the joke from a category: Horse jokes

How many tax advisors does it take to change a light bulb? "In the summer there is a tax deductible convention in Hawaii, dealing exactly with this issue."
This is the joke from a category: Humor jokes

Once there was a millionaire who had a collection of live alligators. He kept them in a pool at the back of his mansion. The millionaire also had a beautiful daughter who was single. One day, he decides to throw a huge party. During the party he announces, "My dear guests, I have a proposition to every man here. I will give one million dollars or my daughter to the man who can swim across this pool full of alligators and emerge unharmed!" As soon as he finishes his last word, there is the sound of a large splash. The guests all turn to see a man in the pool swimming as fast as he can. They cheer him on as he keeps stroking. Finally, the swimming man makes it to the other side unharmed. The millionaire is so impressed, e says, "My boy, that was incredible! Fantastic! I didn't think it could be done! Well, I must keep my end of the bargain. Which do you want, my daughter or the one million dollars?" The man says, "Listen, I don't want your money. I don't want your daughter, either. I want the person who pushed me in that water!"
This is the joke from a category: Humor jokes

My mother-in-law is like a fine French Impressionist painting. She's very lovely, but is best appreciated at a distance.
This is the joke from a category: Humor jokes