Best Cell Phones

You may delay, but time will not.
Author: Benjamin Franklin

You must first have a lot of patience to learn to have patience.
Author: Stanislaw J. Lec

You must learn from the mistakes of others. You can't possibly live long enough to make them all yourself.
Author: Sam Levenson

Taste is not only a part and index of morality, it is the only morality. The first, and last, and closest trial question to any living creature is "What do you like?" Tell me what you like, I'll tell you what you are.
Author: John Ruskin

The mind ought sometimes to be diverted that it may return the better to thinking.
Author: Phaedrus

A man drinks a shot of whiskey every night before bed. After years of this, the wife wants him to quit; she gets two shot glasses, filling one with water and the other with whiskey. After getting him to the table that had the glasses, she brings his bait box. She says "I want you to see this." She puts a worm in the water it, and it swims around. She puts a worm in the whiskey, and the worm dies immediately. She then says, feeling that she has made her point clear, "what do you have to say about this experiment?" He responds by saying: "If I drink whiskey, I won't get worms!"
This is the joke from a category: Bar jokes, beer, booze and fun!

A man had been drinking at the bar for hours when he mentioned something about his girlfriend being out in the car. The bartender, concerned because it was so cold, went to check on her. When he looked inside the car, he saw the man's friend, Dave, and his girlfriend kissing one another. The bartender shook his head and walked back inside. He told the drunk that he thought it might be a good idea to check on his girlfriend. The fellow staggered outside to the car, saw his buddy and his girlfriend kissing, then walked back into the bar laughing. "What's so funny?" the bartender asked. "That stupid Dave!" the fellow chortled, "He's so drunk, he thinks he's me!"
This is the joke from a category: Bar jokes, beer, booze and fun!

Barty and Dunny met in a pub and discussed the illness of a friend named Hogan. "Poor Micheal Hogan! Faith, I'm afraid he's goin' to die." "Shure, an' why would he be dyin'?" asked the other. "Ah, he's gotten so thin. You're thin enough, and I'm thin -- but by my soul, Micheal Hogan is thinner than both of us put together."
This is the joke from a category: Bar jokes, beer, booze and fun!

A man walks into a Kansas bar with his golden retriever. "Hey," says the bartender, "No dogs allowed in the bar." "Oh please?," begs the customer. You see, you're playing the Royals game, and my dog is a really big fan of the Royals." "You're trying to tell me that this here dog is a BASEBALL FAN?! Both of you get out of my bar," says the bartender. "No animals allowed, and YOU belong in a mental institution. Dogs don't like baseball!" Just then, the Royals get a hit. The dog goes wild. He jumps up on the bar and hops around in circles on his hind legs. Then he does the same on his front legs! The bartender is astounded. "That is the most amazing thing I've ever seen! Who ever thought a DOG could like baseball?! I'm curious though....if he gets that excited when the Royals get a hit, what does he do when they get a home run?" "I don't know," confesses the owner, "I 've only had him for five years."
This is the joke from a category: Bar jokes, beer, booze and fun!

One day a drunk walked into a bar and ordered a gin and tonic. He drank half of it and poured the rest on the bartender. The bartender got angry, grabbed the drunk by the collar, pulled him close to his face, and asked, "Why did you do that?" The drunk said very apologetically, "I am so very sorry sir. Please forgive me. I can't help it. It's an illness I can't get rid of. I am so ashamed of it. How can I make it up to you?" The bartender answered, "Haven't you seen anyone about this problem?" The drunk replied, "I never thought of that. Maybe I will." The bartender said, "Don't come back until you do get help," and the drunk left. About three months later the drunk came back to the same bar, ordered another gin and tonic, drank half of it, and poured the rest of it on the bartender. The bartender shouted, "I thought I told you not to come back until you got help!" The drunk replied, "I did. Now I don't feel ashamed."
This is the joke from a category: Bar jokes, beer, booze and fun!